September 26, 2011
First off, FUCK MONDAYS seriously i do not understand how the fuck i survived today. Well no i do it went by fast cause i was waiting to go over to Lane’s. This was going to be our first time alone in about a month. I was just excited to be able to be with her alone like we used to be, oh fuck it all no i was just really horny. We had real sex for the first time in a month it was great to be honest. I don’t care if shes kinda chubby she still sucks great dick. Anyway i don’t wanna get really nasty so moving on, we finished and had some cuddle moments it was nice except she got depressed and i got depressed i got mad she got sadder i cried and finally she cradled me and we allowed to just let things play out naturally. I kind of feel awful and fantastic about the whole experience. On one hand I did make her happy today, very happy, I could see it in her eyes but like always i had to tell her that were not getting back together. She was unhappy about that as always but other wise great day, cuddled got my dick sucked everything’s great, On the other hand i feel like I’ve now fucked over Jackson and any chance him and Lane had together by screwing her and making her remember her feelings for me. FUCK, part of me wants to get rid of her because of all the harassment and how people find her disgusting (not me), and part of me wants to embrace her as my significant other. Anyway now that that’s over with my day. Well English was as boring as ever, I got called on because unfortunately Mrs. Chance loves me, eh fuck it who am i kidding I like the praise and attention. She is just so pretty you know I hope she has a happy family with no problems. Then there was PreCalc, that sucked, failed a quiz and didn’t learn jack shit. Then of course AP Spanish which was bearable for a day and I didn’t freak out about speaking like I always do. I fucked up the short letter assignment though I really need to learn my fucking verbs. Then the day was made fantastic for the first time thanks to AP Psych, got i love that class, just everything about it. That’s the one time Matt’s not a total douche-bag to me except as soon as we come within two feet of Anna again he starts up with it. I’m surprised she even talks to him but yet again its Matt, he got Maddie, I didn’t. Also Trinity talked to me for the first time in a whole three years, weird I’m getting vibes that somehow this is going to be happening more often. Then the whole thing with Lane happened, then I came home ate really quickly then went to the west po spirit week powder puff game. That was not that bad, sat with Anthony, Matt, Erik, Jamie, Orion (who is actually really cute now), Hannah, and Laura. Then me and Anthony left to go to the junior sidelines to watch the chicks. I got talked into buying water for Katie (idk i do favors for her I just feel bad I guess, shes getting hated on less now) and Sana (crazy bitch tonight but always funny). Anna looked hot as ever came up gave me a half hug, still counted in my mind except she was really sweaty. Trinity “clapped” (ewww but shes got a cute face, shes gotten really ghetto now though). Saw Raina fucking destroy, damn i miss that girl. I always have the most fucking awkward moments with her. I really need to get some balls and just talk to her for once see what happens. Its me whose probably making it awkward not her, although she does give me weird looks half the time. After the game, Sana drove me, Anna, and Michelle to coldstone. Sana is such a scary driver the screaming and the music and the holey shit when is she going to do something incredibly illegal and get us pulled over is getting kinda tiring. But we made it there in one piece and we had a fun conversation. Not going to lie i was flirting pretty hard but hell everyone else who sees us together probably thinks I’m gay. Any way then we went to Michelle’s, dropped her off, I was flirting with Anna the whole car ride having fun tickling her. Then I fought her for the front seat and she sat on top of me, (oh that felt good not even kidding around I was surprised by that one I hope it was a hint cause she didn’t leave I even put my arm around her) Then she did and we drove to my place I got out and had this weird moment switching seats with her where we starred into each others eyes for kind of an intimidation thing but it was fun, Shes got such gorgeous eyes, big and brown just perfection. Then they drove away screaming, can’t wait for Friday, Anna’s driving me to the game and hopefully we can ditch Sana or whoever we bring then just me and her hang out for a bit alone, believe me I’m going to test the water.
Maddie’s Call
If your wondering why this is separated from my traditional post its cause certain signature events which are just too big for the daily journal will be separated and titled like this one.
Earlier this week I promised Maddie I’d call her just because i hate texting her and by calling her i could at least here that amazing voice one more time even if she is three states away. We talked about everything and I literally mean everything. All of the stuff that’s happened since shes left, religion, kids, depression, family, future, oh and she mentioned prom yessss. I still plan on asking her to come up for it, seriously thinking back to how gorgeous she looked in a dress it would be an amazing night. Anyway, she’s ok I guess just part of the transition to a new life in a way. She’s changing, hell shes becoming more like me in some ways. We talked about relationships, shes still bitter towards Hannah and Anna but, I didn’t want to say anything about Anna. I did call Hannah a complete bitch along with saying that there was no reason I’d ever find her interesting. I don’t think that made her feel better but, it was a try. We talked about Kat and Bobby and how that’s going to end in a few weeks. Kat’s just not the kind of girl to fall for one guy permanently, I don’t think she purposely plays guys, It’s just a character flaw like my lying, Note: Did not lie once to Maddie during our conversation, It’s just a sign of how comfortable I am with her. We talked about Lane and how i want her to move on I didn’t want to tell her anything about the sex but I absolutely have to next time we talk. We talked about school stuff and how hard it is down there, good thing shes a genius. We talked about careers, I can’t believe she wants to be a Naval Pilot, ridiculous courage and skill for that one but that’s her. I just hope shes never placed in danger. She’s having a hard time fitting in down there with all the culture differences I guess. I hop she makes friends I could never just leave her and move somewhere new, even though I hate it here sometimes. She cried to me and talked about my letter, how sweet it was and how she reads it all the time. That almost made me cry honestly just hearing about how much my words can mean to her. She talked about Matt and Max, Matt was just an unfortunate series of events, she still regrets parts of the relationship but I think she misses and hates him at the same time. Fuck Max no time for him at all, point is hes a douche. I still regret not asking her out, not telling her how i really felt, I could tell when she left and even now deep down inside she felt/hopefully feels, the same way. I will always regret not being with her, we would’ve been perfect. But, i know my codes, no regrets ever, I guess i’m just slightly disappointed in myself. There was more stuff all off it important but this post is already long as fuck. Point is good phone call, I love that woman deep down inside, we set up a call schedule thank god I don’t have to worry about loosing her anymore. Can’t wait till prom
September 24, 2011
Today was interesting, It was the day of the DC trip and i was pretty excited. I was going to wake up and swim with Kenny at 8:00 but fuck it I’m lazy. Plus Maddie’s call lasted till three and I didn’t need the sleep as much as I needed to talk to her, more on that later. I pretty much just pissed around until it was time to go, put on this weird as outfit and out the door I was. Lane’s mom gave me a ride with Lane, Wake, and Anna. Pretty short drive too the metro and then off we were. We got there shopped at Urban Outfitters, I’ll never understand why people would pay so much to look poor but fuck it I conformed and bought was too much, not my money but still too much. Then we went to China Town and i bought this Zippo lighter, have not put this thing down for like 3 hours since. Also bought some green tea leaves, a warm pot of tea would go great with some weed right now, oh yeah i quit…….Any way chilled with Wake hes pretty funny I don’t see how Lane can say he’s boring to be around. As for Lane, well she was Lane made me laugh made me smile but, clingy as always. I mean i like the occasional hug from her and I do enjoy the love-making but were not dating and no one knows were anything more then friends. Plus now that shes interested in Jackson its just getting more and more complicated. Would it be wrong to want to keep having sex with her even if shes dating him. I mean I’m not that big of an asshole, wait….maybe I am. Anyway Anna looked just as smoking hot as ever, shes just amazingly gorgeous and I hope people notice, she needs a guy. Haha I say that now but I really wish that was me. Her ass is just I don’t know, indescribable. Shes drop dead gorgeous too, I really need to just work up the courage to at least poke at hanging out alone. Any way that was my day, I think this year my weekends are going to be a lot more active, then I remember I have a shit load of homework, thank you aspirations for medicine. For more about Maddie’s call see the next post
